Dear Han Nwe Soe

This will be a very short one. But I wanted to write this to you. There will be a lot of mistakes. I'm just spilling words from the top of my head.

First off. Happy Birthday to you. You know I don't really enjoy anyone's birthday, even my own. Every smile I do at anyone's birthday is fake and for the sake of me trying to fit into society. But for yours, this year, I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you live another year happily.

I don't know what to give you as a present honestly. But I figured this letter is the least thing I can do. I have never written you a letter before. This is the first one and surely not the last time I write to you. I apologize in advance if this comes out as a low effort letter (it certainly is!). I did not plan this.

Lately, I've been acting pretty harsh on you, on myself. I'm sorry. I often find myself lacking emotions these days. I don't know why. Maybe it's my addicted brain that's screwing with me. I have been trying to get rid of it but to no avail.

You know it's hard when you know you love somebody but you lack the ability to express it. (YOU IS NOT YOU btw)

There are many many things I want to say to you. But I'm not sure if I can do it. There are lies in them. I'm ashamed. I wish I could meet you but at the same time, I don't want to. There are two personas inside me. You may have noticed them already. But you have not seen them deeply yet. You can address them as a bipolar disorder but that's wrong. Whenever, I do something, think of something, or feel something, these two persons fight each other until both of them are defeated.

I'm trying my best. But I need help.

This is not all. This is such a chaotic letter with terrible division between texts. These are scrumbled thoughts. This letter does not solve nor imply anything except the brithday wish.

I hope you will be surrounded by wonderful people on your birthday. I hope you will have a wonderful birthday with lots of laughter and love. I'm sorry that I as your boyfriend could not be as cheerful as people around you.

I will always love you and adore you.

Signing off,

Thant Ko